Hey there. We've previously spoken of the stages of grieving a chronic illness, up until the stage of denial. So the next ones to speak to are anger and bargaining.
Anger and Bargaining
I wouldn't say that my clients spend a lot of time in these parts of grieving, only because they've had a chronic illness for a while. They've kind of – they're not at a point of trying to figure out if this is real. It is part of their reality. And so when we're healing out of that, they're not really angry. They'll see flashes of them being frustrated with how long their healing might take, but there's certainly not really bargaining.
Depression
The next one is depression. Certainly, yes, yes, we see depression. But it's not really around the grieving side of it. It's that they're just depressed that they're sick, that they see the quality of life that they have. And so I wouldn't really talk about – I guess that's all part of being in that baseline. "I'm sick." It's not really about coming out of it.
Testing
However, the next one is testing, and testing is an interesting one. Because this is where – my people, we get them feeling better, but right at the beginning they're actually almost freaked out by being better. They're waiting for the other shoe to drop, I think, is probably the best analogy I can give you, because they're not quite trusting that this is going to hold.
They're actually hyper-aware of, say, the lack of headaches or the lack of pain or the lack of fatigue. And then they're just almost – they come in a bit perplexed, like, "Hang on, it's gone, and I don't know how to function without it."
So this is the point where I really am working with people, trying to get them feeling like they can trust their bodies. I do explain, you know, sometimes there's two steps forward, one step back, but that's okay, because we're moving the needle in the right direction. Which is trying to sort of get them – you know, if they've been on a path going straight ahead, but we actually need them to go 90 degrees west, then we're moving the needle in the right direction. If that makes sense. That's what I mean by the needle. So it's a compass needle.
Acceptance
So yeah, and then the final one is acceptance. So this is where my people start to come in. Perhaps they've spent a bit of time feeling better, they can sit in this new normal, and then they're actually coming out of the survival mode of the Hierarchy of Needs. And they are coming up, and it just actually helps them, because then, like we said, they get to spend time considering their lives, their habits, their patterns. They're not just surviving. So then they're actually building on feeling better by making sure that they're eating properly or sleeping properly. They're starting to analyse, because they've got the space and the capacity to do that.
Setting Boundaries
So yeah, and it's really interesting. So this is also where I might have a discussion with some of my Yin deficiency people, and I'll be like, "Okay" – or people with Yang deficiency, but they've now got a bit more energy – "we actually need to stop you falling back in a hole. We need you to not bolt out of the gate. We need you to actually preserve your energy, preserve your boundaries."
You know, being in balance is being 90% – only functioning at 90% all the time. Your best is actually 90%, because you want that 10% left over for an emergency. You know, where you have to jump a fence because there's a snake that's about to bite your child or something – that's where that 10% comes in. Otherwise, you never, ever touch that 10%.
And actually, being in balance is being 50% selfless and 50% selfish. You can never pour from an empty cup. In fact, when I look at that analogy, I want people to pour from the stuff that's come out and that's sitting in the saucer, because the cup is overflowing. That's where you pour from, not from your own cup.
So anyway, that's a whole other discussion around boundaries. And I have a typical profile – the Yin deficiency, energised, the bunny, giving to everyone, running around and have no boundaries and are actually exhausted. And then there are certain conditions and health issues we often see with those people. Anyway, we'll talk to that at another time.
Reframing Illness
But this one, yeah – needing to reframe illness so you actually mentally, emotionally, and psychologically catch up with the fact that you are now feeling better. And what does your new normal look like?
And eventually, as part of the acceptance, just going back to that, I hope people feel excited. This is an opportunity. You have a blank canvas. What are you going to paint? What's your life going to look like?
Anyway, hope that helps. Take care. Bye!